Travel Journal

So Long Fred

(Wednesday 25 November 2015) by Rick Clot
Yesterday I bid a fond farewell to Fred, my external apparatus, a.k.a. the catheter. And it's a good thing too because I was getting pretty tired of walking around barefoot for four days just because I couldn't bend over far enough to put on a pair of socks. Oh sure I could have asked my wife to help me but why should I bother her if I didn't have to. That's a quick glimpse into the kind of guy I am. Anyway, I reported to the doctor's office at 9:15 AM thinking I would see the doc, ask a few questions and he would then proceed to relieve me of my affiliation with Fred to whom I've grown very close by the way. When I checked in at the front desk I was informed that his assistant would be the one separating all ties between Fred and me. As it turned out she was a very cute Hispanic girl with facial similarities to Jennifer Lopez. For the first time in four days I was starting to look forward to this. She led me to a room and told me to undress from the waist down then sit on the table and cover myself with what amounted to a 4' square paper napkin. She left telling me she would be back in a few minutes. She wasn't gone for more than 15 seconds - all I managed to take off were my shoes - when she came back in and told me she changed the plan and now had me stand and drop my pants. This was starting to get exciting now. But excitement quickly turned to embarrassment when she told me I also had to drop my underwear to my ankles. I remember thinking to myself, "Now we're getting somewhere". She then proceeded to remove Fred as delicately as humanly possible. Fred was a rubber tube that seemed to wind around every internal organ I owned with a short detour through Oxnard. But the good news is that I can finally put on my own socks now.

Until Next Time,
Bidding farewell to Fred,


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